Anxiety…something many struggle with, and silently deal with. It is an invisible struggle. A crushing weight.
Anxiety is defined as “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”
Yet for many, anxiety is much, much more.
For me, it has become debilitating. I never did understand when people said that fear stopped them. Fear is something I have never understood. I am a former adrenaline junkie, was fearless, and never said no to a bet. And then one day it changed. A couple weeks ago I had arrived at my work location, and had just hit the “up” elevator button. Just as I was hitting it it was like someone threw something over me; OVERWHELMING pressure, despair, panic, and anxiety. My chest was being crushed, my throat had tightened, I had to grab on to something to not fall down. I got to my floor, walked up to my boss, and informed her that I was sick and wouldn’t be able to stay…luckily she said she could see in my eyes I wasn’t feeling well. I think she saw “freak out” which may look similar to illness perhaps?
Sigh…anxiety has really made my life miserable. It has caused me to lose jobs. It has ceased any social life. I can no longer function like a normal person. I have education and job skills, that is not the problem. The problem is that when I’m stressed my mind goes haywire. I’ve tried meditation, I’ve tried music, I’ve tried breathing…and the saga continues.
I could blame this invisible struggle on many things. I have a thyroid disorder, a suspected adrenal disorder, and basically my system can no longer handle daily stress. So I am on the hunt for a doctor who can help me.
On that note, I must finish this post…my journey for the day has ended. This traveler is weary and must rest.